Reader Reviews
From those who’ve lost a loved one to suicide:
“After my brother killed himself, I read so many grief and suicide aftermath books and threw most of them in the bin because they did not truly relate to my pain. So much of what Jan expresses in Chasing Death is exactly how I feel and her writing has evoked powerful emotions and images that make me want to return to the book many times. As a grieving parent herself, Jan has insight into the terrifying and overwhelming anguish that affects surviving families. Jan has written the book in such a way that people, both young and old from all walks of life, can read it. She also covers all the areas that we think about but don’t want to discuss.
When I was reading Chasing Death, it I felt my brother Fergal was communicating through the book and also that I was reading the book for him. Jan has written a wonderful book and although parts are very disturbing they are just different versions of the nightmare we all went through, and have to live with. The end is the same. I could not put the book down; it was like I was compelled to read it. All the pages are so well written and, of course, from experience Jan has only written the facts. I hope some of so called psychologists etc. read this book. A few months ago a very well known businessman in Galway where I am from took his own life. His wife (another business owner) went on TV and spoke about how she tried so hard to get help for his depression but there was no one to help her. I suspect so many people seek help and never get it. Unfortunately the money is spent on wars.
Jan’s son Kristian did not die in vain as his death has brought his mother into so many lives and helped them with their bereavement and also hopefully helped those who turn to drugs try for a better life.”
Anne-Marie, University Lecturer, US
“As a professional psychologist, I was still totally unprepared for my son’s suicide. I spent so much time trying to analyse why he ended his life and reading the type of literature that I could have written myself prior to his death. Sadly, I had to experience the devastation of suicide firsthand to realise how useless many of these books were. The way that Jan synthesises through words all the aspects of the unbearable and complicated grief that follows the suicide of a child is truly amazing. She helps to break down the barriers of shame, helplessness and secrecy and I found the chapter on Handling Insensitivity from Others invaluable.”
Veronica, Psychologist, Australia
“I feel grateful and immensely privileged to have been allowed a sneak preview of, what I am certain will be, a bestseller. I hope that it will be, because it will allow others a glimpse into the ‘secret club’ to which all suicide survivors belong. The secrecy means only feeling able to share our innermost feelings with those who have endured a similar bereavement. At the same time, we want people to know what we are truly feeling, because not only will it help them to have a better understanding of our grief, but should a similar tragedy ever befall their family, they will at least have a greater awareness of the devastation that follows. After I lost my granddaughter to suicide, I started reading many other books, but never got further than the first couple of chapters. Chasing Death was one of those books that had me transfixed from the first page and I did not want to stop reading, even for the briefest of moments. Although, as Jan said, there are no words strong enough to describe the pain and complicated grief that follows the loss of a loved one to suicide, she has captured these thoughts and emotions outstandingly within the confines of the English language.” Aileen, UK
From those who haven’t lost a child:
“I was curious to read this book as suicide is very much a taboo subject and yet it seems everyday we read about someone tragically taking their own life, whether it be revealed within a wee snippet in the corner of the local journals, or worldwide on televised news bulletins informing us of the latest celebrity to depart our world. Death is never easy to accept at whatever age and I can only imagine the horror of losing a child. As a mother myself it would be inconceivable.
Harshly, in life many do survive with this painful scenario and I hope will seek out this book for some comfort knowing that they are not isolated with their discontented feelings of the massive void.
As soon as I picked up this book, I couldn't put it down. This book is written in the manner of a bestseller novel. It is eloquently written but without being too complex and with such raw honesty. Without revealing too much, I can only admire how the author has the courage to reveal the background leading up to her own son's death. Being emotionally fuelled and sympathising with the author, I found at times I just could not prevent the tears from flowing down my cheeks but being an important measure in the process of the book; revealing the brutal honesty of dealing or not wanting to deal with the grief.
I also would say that the author does break away with compassionate integrity sharing other people's stories interconnecting with her own experiences of how to deal with the death of a child, albeit through suicide or by any other diagnosis.
This heart-to-heart book will be identified by the many who need no verification of the pain they have already endured but also to invoke to the ways of staying in touch spiritually. Through this book many people will find great comfort and the recognition for the loss of their own special child.”
“I have never lost a child, but I am a mother. I have read numerous triumph over tragedy books, but never has a book touched me with such profoundness as this one. I wept on countless occasions, but found that once I had started reading, I just didn’t want to put the book down. How Jan has managed to channel her grief into something so phenomenal is not only admirable, but shows an incredible strength that I just don’t believe I would ever have if suicide were to strike my own family. I don’t just see a bestselling book here, but a powerful drama or movie. I would certainly be the first at the box office.”
Karin, Solicitor, Sweden
“Jan articulates her conflicting emotions and endless questions so clearly and the quotes are so touching and appropriate. The value in Jan having written the book over such a long period is that it gives hope to recently bereaved people, particularly since she speaks from experience about coping mechanisms.
I had to steel myself to read the book because, like every parent, my worst fear is losing my son and I so nearly did when he was born. He was so tiny (2lb 15oz) and 6 weeks’ premature. Nobody knew how to react when he was born and so his birth was ignored by some people; it felt like I hadn't had a baby. Even now, I find that so hurtful but I guess they just didn't know what to say or do. When he started school I was the first mum to have a mobile and dreaded the phone ringing in case something had happened to him. I can totally relate to Jan’s fear about losing one of her other children and I'm finding it so hard to conquer because I know that I have to give my son space, but as he's my only child I know I wouldn't be able to carry on without him. It's not the same as Jan’s situation but it shows how much we love our children.”
Trish, UK
“Chasing Death: Losing a child to suicide is a raw, heart-wrenching, inspirational account of the effects of suicide on the families of those left behind, particularly when the individual who has been lost was a young child; a son, daughter, brother, sister etc. In writing her very personal account, spanning 7 years of feeling an indescribable loss, Jan crosses the bridge on taboo subjects surrounding what the experts say you should or shouldn’t do and feel in grief. This book reaches the reader on many levels, brings an infinite web of support for those who have experienced similar tragedies and brings questions of the soul to the surface for everyone, including those who have not been touched by the effects of suicide. Jan stares pain, death and grief in the face and demands answers from them whilst at the same time bringing humour, hope and faith through her words to the reader.”
"How does a parent ever cope with losing a child, let alone to something as unthinkable as suicide? On 1 November 2002, Jan Andersen discovered the answer to that question firsthand when her eldest son Kristian ended his life. However, instead of giving up on life as so many would, she began to channel her grief into what I can only describe as an incredible piece of writing.
I have two children and one of my biggest fears has always been losing one of them, a fear with which I am certain all parents can identify. I am not certain that I would be able to carry on if something ever happened to one of them, so I have even more respect for the author in having pulled herself from the depths of her grief to produce something so positive, so helpful and so touching.
Not only has the author tackled an immensely difficult and highly emotional topic, but she has articulated her thoughts, feelings and experiences in such a way that the reader can vividly picture the scene and almost feel her suffering. Despite the author’s own admission about the repetition of certain “trauma” words, she has successfully managed to assimilate these limited words outstandingly to convey a powerful picture of grief and love that I am certain will touch the hearts of all who read the book.
The first chapter tells her son Kristian’s life story, beginning at the point where she is sitting with him at the hospital following his suicide, then tracing his life from his birth through to the time when she last saw him alive and concluding with the scene in the hospital where the chapter began. The following chapters continue from the trauma of the immediate aftermath of the suicide through to the funeral, the inquest and the years ahead.
The author hasn’t just covered the suicide of her own son, but has included a plethora of experiences from families around the world, all in different family set-ups. She has included experiences from grandparents, siblings, stepparents and so on, so that no one within the extended family has been forgotten.
Chasing Death is a heartbreaking, but outstandingly-written book that I had difficulty in putting down."
Stacey Ingram, UK
